‘Why do(n’t) I do what I do(n’t)?’ Trauma and psychological defenses
Many of us have certain quirks, oddities and difficulties. From the most mundane ones that we’ve learnt to live with since a young age to others that truly impact our daily life and prevent us from relating to others better or reaching our full potential. Have you ever wondered what the reason for yours or a close person?
When dealing with complex trauma, one of the most important aspects of healing is understanding how our mind protects us from overwhelming emotions and memories. This protective mechanism is often through psychological defenses, which are unconscious strategies we use to avoid emotional pain. However, when these defenses become habitual, they can interfere with healing and prevent us from processing the trauma in a healthy way.
Psychological defenses such as dissociation, avoidance, procrastination, addiction, and idealization are common in people who have experienced trauma. They may have helped you cope in the past, but now they might be preventing you from truly moving forward. In therapies like EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing), working through these defenses is an essential part of the healing process.
Dissociation: Disconnecting to Cope
Dissociation is one of the most common defenses, especially in complex trauma. It involves disconnecting from reality, such as feeling detached from your body or your emotions. For example, someone who experienced childhood trauma might “zone out” or feel numb during stressful situations. While dissociation might protect you in the moment, over time it can lead to emotional shutdown and difficulty processing painful memories. EMDR can help bring awareness to dissociative patterns and gradually integrate those memories in a safe way.
Avoidance: Running from the Pain
Avoidance is another defense where you steer clear of situations, places, or even people that remind you of the trauma. For instance, you might avoid talking about certain topics, avoiding feelings of sadness or anger, or even avoiding therapy itself. While avoidance can seem like a way to keep control, it only prevents deeper healing. EMDR works by helping you gently confront the memories and emotions you've been avoiding, allowing you to process them without feeling overwhelmed.
Procrastination: Keeping Busy to Avoid Feeling
Procrastination can be another form of avoidance, where you put off important tasks or decisions, especially when they bring up uncomfortable emotions. For example, someone might delay making a decision about a relationship because it brings up feelings of uncertainty or past hurt. This defense keeps you stuck in a cycle of inaction and emotional avoidance. Through EMDR, you can start addressing the underlying trauma that fuels your procrastination, creating space for proactive, healthy choices.
Addiction: Numbing the Pain
Addiction—whether to substances, behaviors, or even relationships—is a defense mechanism designed to numb or escape from painful emotions. An individual might turn to alcohol or drugs to temporarily feel relief from anxiety or intrusive memories. While addictions offer short-term escape, they rarely address the root causes of trauma. EMDR can help break the cycle of addiction by processing the memories and feelings that drive it, helping you regain control over your life.
Idealization: Avoiding Disappointment
Finally, idealization is when we put people, places, or experiences on a pedestal, believing they will fix our pain. This defense can manifest in relationships, where you might overlook red flags or stay in unhealthy situations because you have unrealistic expectations. Over time, this can lead to disappointment and emotional pain. EMDR helps to challenge these distorted beliefs, helping you see situations more clearly and make healthier decisions.
Why It Matters in EMDR Therapy
In EMDR, one of the most important elements is to address these defenses so you can process trauma in a safe and controlled way. Recognizing your own defenses is the first step in healing. Once these defenses are acknowledged, EMDR therapy can help you reprocess trauma memories and integrate them into your narrative without them being distorted by defense mechanisms.
By breaking down these defenses, you can begin to heal trauma in a way that’s both effective and compassionate. If you find yourself stuck in these patterns, working with a therapist trained in EMDR can offer the support you need to address the root causes of your difficulties and start the journey to healing.
By Dr Jose Lopez, Clinical psychologist, Accredited CBT and EMDR therapist